Hey Glow Gang,

It’s been a heavy few weeks for us all. There’s a lot of pain, anger, and hurt from and for victims of injustices in Kenya and globally as well. I am taking the time to educate myself on these issues and learn how I can contribute to a better and just world. 

Beyond the current state of events, this time has been eye-opening on a personal level as well. At the beginning of 2020, I had set an intention to make this my ‘Year of Self Love’. I desire to grow deeper in love my whole being and even shared with you some of the ways with which I practice self-love. It’s interesting how whenever I set an intention, the Universe reveals the barriers (both external and internal) that are standing in the way of our personal growth. My insecurities have been revealing themselves a lot more lately, and my inner critic’s voice has gotten so much louder! My self-esteem has taken quite a hit and I have been in a draining cycle of self-doubt. I am giving myself time to dig deeper and discover the source of these limiting thoughts and beliefs. I thought I would share with you some of them and what I am learning in the process.

The First Step

I believe self-awareness is such an important skill in the mission to know ourselves better. Taking the time to be in tune with my feelings and behavioral patterns has helped me understand what I am dealing with. Currently, I am learning how to give myself space to be aware of my inner musings and what the message they hold. At times we can be too quick to try and correct something without appreciating its role in our journey. Sauti Sol’s hit song, Insecure, artistically brings to life what our relationship with our insecurities looks like.

The Judgemental Visitor

I recently watched a video by Gary Vee where he talks about our inner critic and the fact that we weren’t born with it in our mental or emotional space. I believe the inner critic is a guest who arrives via hurtful comments and implied ideas about us, from those around us and society in general. We take in these opinions and turn them into beliefs about who we are, and the voice plays itself like a broken record most of our lives. It’s so empowering to know that we are born whole and that we can unlearn these views and take on fresh and accurate perceptions of ourselves rooted in love.

Our Value is Infinite

For a long time, I have valued my worth based on how other people treat me and the external validation I receive. Granted, we all deserve to be treated with love and respect and be seen, but at times people treat us differently. I have been looking back on situations where I was disrespected, mistreated, abused, and betrayed by those around me. It’s been difficult coming to terms with those experiences and proceeding in my healing journey. Moreover, my content creation process has been clouded with comparison and feelings of inadequacy as I judge my work based on external responses (views, likes, and follower count) versus the effort I put it.

Viola Davis’ viral video on self-worth has been a ‘bag of ice to a throbbing wound’. I keep going back to it to remind me that my value is constant and no matter what is going on internally or externally I will always be worth it!

Finally, the realization of my mortality definitely puts certain things into perspective (check out this gem on insecurities and life by Sadhguru). It’s a reminder to be grateful for the beauty of being alive (even with all of life’s challenges) and to be intentional about having a more beautiful life experience. This means that I need to take time to work through the insightful obstacles that are hindering me from living a more fulfilling life.

I do hope this post is a reminder that we’re all on a journey to uncovering ourselves and that no matter what stage we are in, there’s always more room to grow deeper in love with ourselves and to show up authentically. 

Mapenzi tele,

Maya.

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